I am lying with my chest facing the pillow, alone inside my room and listening to a song titled Candles by Hey Monday. I am trying to write a poem now but I can’t. Everytime I try to write some lines, everything turns out to be a piece of garbage ideas.
I am sad. I really want to be a good poet. I love poetry since I was young. I actually have a collection of trash poems, poems I have written since fourth grade. Right now, I really want to make a poem that someone will say, “Good job Joel!”
I wonder if when it will be or if it is still possible. I have indeed written poems years ago and accepted some good comments but later I realized that those comments are really sarcastic. Well, I don’t have to hate them because I have been stupid also for believing them.
So here I am, alone in my room and tries to express my emotions through poetry. These are the emotions of insecurities, depressions, stress, confusions and things that seek answers for the questions that have never been answered for a very long time.
I am a guy, a teenage guy, and I am lost. I don’t trust anyone not even my family. I don’t have friends that I really trust. I can feel that I am traveling my journey alone.
What will I do?
I know I am not feeling well, even how hard I tried to pretend that everything is alright. Yes, there were times that pretending to be fine works but it did not last long. It comes back to normal again everytime I am alone in this room. I can’t understand myself.
Am I crazy?