Pain Told Me So

This night is simply unforgettable not because I had a blast experiencing near to Nirvana thingy but because I almost killed myself. Love. Love. Love. I just want to be happy; be with you for the rest of my life but what is happening now? Baby, I love you so much. I’m so sorry for implying to you that you have to change yourself. To stop being so abusive with your vices. Stop smoking, drinking alcohols hanging out with friends and etc. I fought for that stand. A conviction I thought could change you and will give a bright future in our relationship. It did not work. I lose. You won. You told me I don’t have to change you. If I really love then I should accept you for who you are. You said you will not change yourself because you can’t do it. At first I push and aimed to win the war, support and help my conviction to attain victory. We broke up. You said what we have is over and its final. I accepted your decision. Simple; us still together if I will allow you to smoke, drink whenever you want, do everything you like and etc or I put rules and limitations leading to our permanent separation. I chose the first one and yeah we are still together but its different now. I realized that anytime by now you can leave me like a trash. I don’t have any assurance if you can still change yourself. I am accepting the challenge. I will endure all the pain. Widen my understanding. Strengthen my heart. Be strong. For us. Ill do it. Even though I know it will give me pain but I still believe after all the pain are smiling kangaroos with lovely fucking pandas. I am hoping. I took the risk. This is a test for my character on how far can I go. How long will I endure.  How in love I am to you.  Wish me luck. Ill be fine. Ill do best.


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