Hey Baby!

Baby we’ve been together for quite long now, almost six months of bliss and pain to summarize it; six best months of my running young life. You changed me, no doubt, and I changed you; changes for good. Actually, I just want to tell you that I am really embarrassed of all the stupid things I have done in our relationship; all those convictions, ideas, intuitions and suggestions which indeed not all are acceptable because few are seriously fucked up. Yeah. I can’t stop smiling right now. If you can still remember those times when we fight, you’re right most of the sum total of those fights will credit to my mistake. I was so immature that time. I mean hahaha. I’m so sorry. I’m so happy right now that you did not give up on me. I’m a little bit cheesy right now of all these confessions I’m doing and yes I can guess that you’re probably telling me Into as you read this part .

You know what Baby I would also like to take this chance to sincerely ask forgiveness. Yeah I know. I always ask forgiveness from you but this one would be special; sincere and full of smiles hahaha. I’m sorry. For accepting who you are at a very slow pace. I was not good enough to accept you easily and fast. I’m sorry if it causes us a lot and especially causes you more than a lot of trouble. I know realize that your past is seriously your past. Whoever they are, whatever you did, how many times you encountered such nasty experiences and people and how deeply in love you are to others, all will always and will exactly be a reality in the past. P. A. S. T.  Your past will not define what kind of person you are right now Baby. You are not a product. You do not have an expiration. You are not sold used or new. Your value does not go down with every sexual experience. You do not have a finite capacity, like a condom, after which you are used up. Neither are you a substance that can be pure or impure. You are no less pure now than when you were born. You will never be less pure than you are right now. Your past is not a term paper for me or all the people that completes your life to grade. Your past is not something that needs to be repaired. You can’t get up on top of it with a ladder and fix it like a roof. You can’t do anything about it except regard it with awed attention. It is like the sea, far beyond us, far too deep, far too wide, far too powerful.You are not a product, or a substance, or an object. You are not any of these things. For want of a better term, you are a creature, a spiritual being.

We are creatures of flesh and light and movement. We go through life. Things happen. We do things. We remember things. Things hurt us, things delight us, things frighten us. We go on. We describe the things that have happened to us and look for the light of understanding in someone’s eyes. We are creatures who love and hate. We love and hate and are loved and hated and we go on. Our past is not a map on our skin, visible to the male gaze. Our past is something we tell. Once we tell it, people sometimes turn away. They can’t bear it. They’re not strong enough.

Baby I’m sorry. I admit I was not that strong enough. I’m sorry. But hey I’m still here and will always be at your side and that what is important. I have to find the strength that time and I found it. I found it between our souls. In a place people will usually write heart images at the middle of our names.  I got some wisdom and some understanding. I got some humility and some awe. I went  sitting by the sea and thinking about it for days on end until my head hurts and I’m thirsty and all I want is you — however you are, whoever you are, wherever you’ve been, whatever you’ve done


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