“I can live without you but…. without you I’ll be miserable at best,”
Singing this line from the song Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade is not helping me to be okay, but still I am singing, humming and allowing it to run at every region of my brain making it a habit for a year now, because, you made me love this song. Now, this song is killing my soul…. making all the things worse. 5 months …since we broke up and I thought Im already okay yet I still find myself shattered.
I just finish reading all the poems I wrote for you when were still together. Im holding the books you gave me last xmas and valentines day.Tsk. I can still remember how I told my parents… that someday Im going to marry you. It hurts. SO BAD. Yeah! Im living a miserable life right now and its not just a simple misery but …. misery at its best.
I dont know how long will I continue forcing myself to believe that everything will be okay. Its over …..haha….but I still thank God that in the history of my existence, I somehow felt unfathomable epicness and happiness which are priceless. Because of you,… I loved till eternity of limitations.
And in the end…. I learned that,
“Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.”
So fuck you! I disgust myself … I swear I deserve someone way better than you. This misery is temporary. Time will tell. And if that day comes, I swear Ill step and smash you and make you feel the pain, humiliations and all the negativities I got from you. I will never forget those words you said,, how you treated me and the way you acted like youre a celebrity ….the pains will make me stronger. Wait for me, Ill be better , bolder and more epicc .